Kids and Divorce

Yes – separation can be tough, but you will get through it. I promise. But what about the kids? Let’s talk about Kids and Divorce.

There’s no question that your divorce is going to change your kids’ lives, but it doesn’t have to damage your kids. If you handle it well… if you put the children first and foremost, they will come out of it okay. It really is up to you and your ex-spouse whether your children, your sweet babies, will come away from this break in their family union totally traumatized or not.

FIRST: Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen to children.

If you let your spirit die, then your children will be hurt. If you allow yourself to drown in misery… your children will gasp for air. If you get drunk and stay drunk, hide in drugs – illicit or not – or consume your ex-spouse’s weight in pasta and potatoes, it will eat at your children’s hearts. If you give in to the fear that you will have no money, that you cannot cope, that you are less without your partner, you will teach your children fear instead of hope.

No, divorce doesn’t have to damage children. In fact sometimes it is the way to save them.

Studies have shown that up to 80% of women and 50% of men believe they were better-off after divorce. However nothing in the research points to children experiencing that high a level of satisfaction after divorce. While children in homes where parents were desperately unhappy or in high conflict were relieved when parents parted, by no stretch could researchers say that 80% of kids felt they were better off.

BUT the myth that divorce is a catastrophic event leaving a trail of broken children in its wake is also way off the mark. In fact, research shows that children adjust to divorce in short order, reporting feeling ‘less bad,’ identifying many positive aspects, and even demonstrating fewer psychological and physical symptoms of distress.

According to Dr. Abigail Stewart and her comrades in research, “there is every evidence that parents’ well-being was strongly linked with children’s, and there is considerable evidence in our data…that the ending of an unhappy marriage initiates a period of personal growth and development that is good for parents and their children.” In short, if you are doing well…if your spouse is doing well…then chances are your children will be doing well also.