Gail Vaz-Oxlade's Guide To:

How To Choose a Good Mediator

Financially Smart Divorce
With 25+ years of no-nonsense financial advice on TV, radio, and as a best-selling author, Gail Vaz-Oxlade brings her financial common sense to divorce.

How To Choose a Good Mediator

You Google, “family mediator near me” and are hit with a barrage of names, faces and offices. How do you choose a good mediator?

When it comes searching, “how to choose a good mediator,” deciding on the right family mediator isn’t just a matter of finding the lowest price or the most convenient location. A good mediator can make a tough time a bit smoother, while the wrong one can leave you frustrated and financially drained. So, let’s dive into what really matters.

Divorce Mediation Is More Than Just The Mediation

Mediation isn’t just about hashing things out in a room and calling it a day. It’s a process, and to actually work, it needs to include more than just talking. Proper financial disclosure and smart money savvy, for example, are critical. If you’re not getting the full picture on what assets, debts, and income are involved, you’re not making informed decisions. And once agreements are reached, they still need to be properly documented and reviewed.

A thorough mediation process includes:

  • Full Financial Disclosure: You both need to be transparent, laying out the full financial picture so the settlement is fair and sticks.
  • Financial Wisdom: You don’t want to be hit with unseen taxes, mortgage penalties or draconian solutions that are not just financially reasonable.
  • Drafting Agreements: Those handshake deals just don’t hold water in court. Make sure your mediator has a process for drafting a legally sound separation agreement, (not just a Memo of Understanding “MOU”) or partnership with a lawyer who does.
  • Independent Legal Advice (ILA): At the end of the day, you’ll want a lawyer to review any agreements so you’re both protected. ILA might feel like an added step, but it’s crucial if you want your agreement to stand up long-term. A good mediator knows this and includes it as part of the process.

Don’t Be Fooled by Marketing Sound Bites or Cheap Prices

How to choose a good mediator? Don’t fall for “divorce is simple” or “discount divorces” marketing. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Those “cheap” mediators offering a “deal” often don’t include the essentials that make the process effective in the long run. You might get a lowball quote up front, but if that price tag doesn’t cover everything—financial disclosure, lawyer drafting, legal advice—you’ll end up paying out of pocket later to clean up the mess elsewhere. Cheap mediation may seem tempting, but going with an established process that includes everything, has a clearly defined process and includes a full team of professionals,  will actually save you time, stress, and money in the long haul.

The old line goes something like this: “You can have it cheap, fast, or done well—pick two.”

It’s a classic saying because it highlights the trade-offs between quality, cost, and speed:

  • Cheap and Fast: Likely won’t be done well.
  • Fast and Done Well: Likely won’t be cheap.
  • Cheap and Done Well: Likely won’t be fast.

It’s a great reminder that if you want it done correctly, there’s usually a cost, either in time or money.

The Unofficial Rules of Divorce:

Divorce gets prickly, even in the most amicable situation

It’s often less about the legalities and more about the money

People make expensive mistakes because they don’t make a plan

Before you do anything, understand your rights, obligations & complexities

A Good Mediator Has Legitimate Google Reviews

When it comes to Google reviews for a divorce mediator, it’s worth approaching them with a discerning eye. Think about it – divorce is intensely personal, and most people are reluctant to broadcast their personal divorce experiences publicly. So, you might not see tons of reviews—and that’s okay. In fact, too many reviews can be a red flag in this field.

On the flip side, if there are no reviews, that’s something to be cautious about, too. An established mediator or lawyer should have at least a handful of honest, balanced testimonials.

No mediator or lawyer should have only perfect reviews. If you’re seeing nothing but praise with no nuance, it might be curated or influenced. Of course, the opposite is true. If the majority of reviews are complaints, that’s a signal to keep looking.

Look for the full range, not just glowing praise. A mountain of glowing five-star ratings might suggest they’re a bit too good to be true, or that they’re nudging clients too hard to leave feedback.

How to choose a good mediator? Pay attention to a mix of experiences: are some people satisfied with the process even if things were tough? That’s realistic. A great mediator or lawyer isn’t perfect for everyone; they’re transparent about the challenges and respectful even in critical reviews.

Genuine reviews often include references to personal experiences and will often include the names of the professionals or staff they worked with. If the review sounds more like a sales pitch than an honest take, read it with a healthy dose of skepticism.

Ultimately, the best reviews will give you a sense of the mediator’s style, integrity, and whether they genuinely helped people navigate tough situations. Aim for authentic over impressive—real stories can be your best guide.

How To Choose A Good Mediator

How to Find a Good Mediator: Check Their Actual Digital Background

Anyone can be anything on the internet. A mediator’s background and years of experience says a lot about what they bring to the table. If they have years of experience and proven expertise in family law or finance, they’re likely better prepared to navigate the specifics of your family’s divorce, assets, and debts. Make sure they’re trained in the right areas for your needs—weekend certifications don’t cut it when it’s your family’s future on the line.

  • Are the mediators in good standing with The Ontario Association for Family Mediation?
  • How long have they actually been practicing?  Check their historic websites and actual digital Google presence on the Wayback Machine? If they are actually established they will have a notable digital history of at least a decade.
  • Who is their team? Are they a one man show or do they bring a roster of expertise? Check the mediator’s “About us” page and see who actually works with them.
  • How many clients do they assist annually? You will want someone that works with more than a handful of mediations per year. Ask them straight up!

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Communication Style is Everything

Your mediator should be a skilled communicator. You’re paying them to keep the conversation constructive, not to make you feel like you’re in high school detention.

Do they listen? Do they have that knack for putting both parties at ease without taking sides? Watch how they speak, not only to you but to everyone in the room. If they’re dismissive or show favoritism, thank them for their time and move on.

Get a Gut Check on Their Personality

This one’s huge. You’ll be spending hours with this person, so it’s vital that you actually like them. You don’t need to be friends, but you do need to trust them and feel safe airing your dirty laundry with them. If they come off as cold, distant, or uninterested, keep looking.

How To Choose a Good Mediator? Ethics Matter (A Lot)

You need to trust that your mediator has integrity and won’t cut corners just to wrap things up. They should be transparent about costs, the process, and what’s realistic. If something feels off, trust your gut. This isn’t the time for compromises on ethics.

In-Person or Online Mediation?

Online Mediation has come a long way, and you no longer need to be in the same room to make progress. Both in-person and online mediation have their perks, so let’s break it down and figure out what’s best for you.

Mediation works both in-person and online, and the right choice depends on your needs. In-person offers personal connection and accountability, while online brings time and location flexibility, reduced stress, and broader access to some of the best services available across the province.

Whether you value face-to-face interaction or the convenience of logging in from home or the office, pick what fits your life and focus on reaching a fair, lasting agreement.

Are They Patient, But Not a Pushover?

A mediator’s job is to keep both parties on track. They should be patient, yes, but also assertive enough to keep you both accountable without letting one person dominate. If they’re letting things drag out or one side steamrolls the other, they’re not doing their job.

Bottom Line: Take Your Time

Finding a good family mediator is a process, not a quick decision. A bit of research now can save you a lot of money and heartache later.

Think about what matters to you—experience, communication style, ethics—and take your time. A good mediator will offer not just a conversation but a complete process that includes everything you’ll need to make your agreement strong, fair, and lasting. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

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