The Common Sense Guide to:

How to Divorce a Narcissist

Narcissist Divorce Plan

Financially Smart Divorce Strategies

My Spouse is a Narcissist

“My spouse is a narcissist.”

When I hear this, I pay close attention, knowing the damage a true narcissist can cause during a divorce. Divorcing someone with narcissistic tendencies can be incredibly challenging because of their manipulative behavior, lack of empathy, and desire for control. It’s crucial to approach the process strategically and to prioritize your own well-being.

That said, the term “narcissist” gets thrown around quite a bit. During a separation, it’s easy to label any overbearing, bullish, vain, or self-centred individual as a narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Not Every Narcissist is a NARCISSIST

This is an important distinction to make. Most of us have a dose of ego and narcissism—we’re all capable of being egotistical, unfeeling, or even a bit of an egomaniac at times. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the person in question is a true narcissist. It’s crucial to differentiate between everyday narcissism, which refers to certain personality traits or behaviors, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a diagnosed mental health condition.

“Everyday narcissism” is a term often used to describe people who display certain narcissistic traits, such as self-centeredness, a need for admiration, or a lack of empathy. However, this doesn’t mean they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Not everyone who exhibits these traits meets the criteria for NPD, and it’s essential to avoid casually diagnosing others. Personality traits exist on a spectrum, and a certain level of self-focus or confidence is normal and healthy

NPD Is A Serious Psychological Diagnosis

True Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a serious psychological diagnosis. Individuals with NPD are emotionally broken and have developed profoundly dysfunctional defense mechanisms to shield themselves from an overwhelming internalized sense of inferiority. True narcissism isn’t just bad behavior, a strong personality, or even egotism—it’s a serious pathological mental condition. NPD manifests in dysfunctional relationships, marked by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.

At first, narcissists often appear charming, confident, agreeable, and successful. It’s only after entering into a permanent relationship that one begins to see through the narcissist’s façade, revealing a profound lack of empathy, lies, and manipulations. And it’s important to note that not all narcissists are men—women can also be narcissists.

Divorcing a Narcissist

Serious difficulties and conflicts tend to arise quickly in relationships with narcissists. It’s easy to fall in love with a narcissist, difficult to live with one, and profoundly painful to leave them. Relationship instability is common when personality pathology is present, and a disproportionate number of narcissists end up divorced. Divorcing a narcissist requires a unique and well-thought-out personal strategy.

If you’re dealing with challenging behavior from someone you believe to be narcissistic, seeking professional advice from therapists, counselors, or psychologists can be extremely beneficial. These professionals can offer insights, coping strategies, and support tailored to your specific situation.

Litigation is designed to be adversarial—it’s a battleground, and that’s exactly where a narcissist feels most at home. They love the conflict, the drama, and the chance to drag things out just to keep you on edge.

Mediation, on the other hand, takes away their stage.

The Common Sense Divorce focuses on what really matters—keeping your family’s stability intact.”

For more than 25 years you have witnessed Gail Vaz-Oxlade‘s trademark straight-up money wisdom, both on Radio and Television, most notably as host of TVs Till Debt Do Us Part, Princess and Money Moron. Gail is a best-selling Canadian financial author.

Mediation, on the other hand, takes away their stage.

The Common Sense Divorce focuses on what really matters—keeping your family’s stability intact.

MAKE A PLAN BEFORE YOU LEAVE A NARCISSIST!

Divorcing a narcissist? Get ready for a battle—they’ll try to control the narrative and manipulate every situation. You need to stay focused, document everything, and don’t get sucked into their games.

Avoid costly mistakes—know your rights and responsibilities in Ontario. Move forward with a solid plan! Answer a few quick questions and instantly receive your FREE Ontario Divorce Plan specific to your situation. Start now and take control of your future!

Does Mediation Work For Narcissists?

When divorcing a narcissist, the instinctive reaction might be to go straight for the hard-hitting approach of lawyer-led litigation or court, rather than considering family mediation. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, ironically, mediation isn’t just a better option—it might actually be your power move.

Litigation is inherently adversarial—it’s a battleground, and that’s exactly where a narcissist thrives. They relish the conflict, the drama, and the opportunity to drag things out just to keep you off balance.

Mediation, on the other hand, removes their stage.

It’s a controlled environment focused on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. Unlike the chaos of litigation, which a narcissist typically enjoys, mediation offers you control and accountability. It’s a strategic, solution-driven process that strips away their ability to manipulate and embroil you in endless conflict.

Mediation is about taking charge, protecting your privacy, and achieving the fair outcome you deserve—without wasting time, money, or emotional energy in a public courtroom battle. It’s a proactive approach that levels the playing field, ensures a balanced agreement, and sets the foundation for better co-parenting.

By choosing mediation, you’re not just surviving the divorce—you’re outsmarting the narcissist and securing a faster, stronger path to your future. This approach can dial down the emotional intensity, making it harder for the narcissist to fuel the flames of conflict and easier for you to move forward.

How to Avoid A Messy Divorce

Seriously consider mediation before lawyer litigation
If at all possible, stay out of the Family Courts
Gather and organize your financial documents
Do your homework, understand how divorce works in Ontario

How to Avoid A Messy Divorce

Seriously consider mediation before lawyer litigation
If at all possible, stay out of the Family Courts
Gather and organize your financial documents
Do your homework, understand how divorce works in Ontario

How To Divorce A Narcissist

If you’re divorcing a narcissist, keep these pointers in mind:

Do Not Date Until Your Divorce is Complete: Dating during your divorce will only inflame the narcissist’s sense of injury, guaranteeing extra drama and pain. Focus on getting through this process with the support of healthy, platonic friends.
A Narcissist Will Play The Victim: Narcissists often portray themselves as the victim. Trying to manage their slanders, lies, and the perceptions of others is taking their bait. Resist the urge to clean up their mess. In the end, trust that the truth will emerge when their true colours inevitably show elsewhere.
They Will Set You Up: Narcissists need you to be the broken, bad, or irrational one—it helps them feel better about themselves. They’ll set traps for you to react dramatically, validating their narrative and proving their point to others. Recognize this setup and refuse to play into it.
Become Boring: Narcissists thrive on pushing your buttons just to get a response. Even a negative reaction is better than no reaction. By refusing to engage, you deny them the “narcissistic supply” they crave. Stay calm, and they’ll likely seek attention elsewhere.
Grow Boundaries, But Keep Them to Yourself: Over the years, your personal boundaries have likely been breached. Now, it’s time to rebuild them. This is your private work—don’t advertise your new boundaries to the narcissist, as they’ll only try to attack them.
Manage Communication: Narcissists know we’re tied to our cell phones and will use them to invade your private life. They’ll swamp you with calls, texts, or long messages. Respond with short, straightforward answers. Set personal boundaries about when and how much you’ll engage. When in doubt, turn off your phone.
Plan for Holidays and Special Occasions: A narcissist needs to be front and center, often wrecking holidays or special occasions to stay in your line of sight. Anticipate this behaviour and plan accordingly to minimize its impact.
Understand Distorted Views of Love: Narcissists have a twisted understanding of love—and, chances are, you might too. Humans tend to normalize abnormal behavior. Narcissists marry for narcissistic supply, while their partners often internalize damaged views of what love really is. Take time to learn about yourself and what you need to thrive.
The Right Legal Process Matters: A rottweiler lawyer isn’t always the best response to a narcissist. A calm, confident, and secure professional is their worst nightmare. Contrary to popular belief, these divorces often resolve better in non-confrontational legal processes like mediation or collaborative law, where participants are held accountable for their behaviour.
Seek Professional Assistance: Mental health professionals can often recognize narcissism by the predictable patterns in their behaviour. A specialist in narcissistic behaviour can help you navigate the emotional landmines of divorce and disengagement with wisdom and support.
Make a Plan BEFORE You Start Your Divorce Process: A Narcissist will take advantage of your lack of understanding. It is imperative to understand your rights, responsibilities and obligations in Ontario. Knowledge is power! Before you even start your divorce process, do your research, do your homework and create a plan. Utilize the FREE Ontario Divorce Planner. Its a free tool that will help you to understand and plan ahead.